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Review: Nex Playground

As I’m coming up on a full year of “ownership,” and with it being more topical this holiday season (e.g. 2nd best-selling console this past Black Friday), let’s talk about the Nex Playground.

It’s about the same size as a Rubik’s Cube too.

Essentially, the Nex is a motion-controlled game console with an all-in-one subscription model. Think Kinnect or Wii Sports, minus the controllers. For $250 retail price, you get the Nex cube, a remote, and permanent access to five party-style games. The “real” experience requires a further purchase of a 12-month Play Pass for $89, or the 3-month Play Pass for an usurious $49. At the time of this writing, there are bundles on Amazon that include the Nex and a 12-month pass for as low as $288.

Is it worth it?

Well… do you have kids as of yet unsullied by Fortnite, Minecraft, and/or Youtube? Then: probably.

I’ll go into more detail on the games below, but it is important to reiterate that the Nex is a motion-controlled device. Not all the games require you to be standing, squatting, and/or jumping, but you will nevertheless be using your arms 100% of the time at a minimum. Even if you or your kids are physically active, this is not something you will likely be playing for 1-2 hours at a time. If your immediate thought after reading that was “well, no one should be sitting/playing videogames for that long anyway,” then, yeah, the Nex is probably for you.

Base Games

Without the Play Pass, you are limited to these five games:

  • Fruit Ninja
  • Whac-a-Mole
  • Go Keeper
  • Party Fowl
  • Starri

The first three are basically “arcade” style games that may or may not amuse you or children for a length of time. Party Fowl is a sort of goofy Mario Party knock-off filled with 90-second minigames. An example would be squatting to empty a helicopter bucket full of water onto gingerbread men running around on fire. Or shaking up virtual pop bottles and spraying them at the other person.

Each person can also have their own difficulty version of the song.

One of the killer apps for the Nex system though is Starri. This is a rhythm game akin to a VR-less Beat Saber, or perhaps an arms-based Dance Dance Revolution. There is an eclectic mix of songs, including several ones from Imagine Dragons, some Lady Gaga, Sia, and other contemporary artists. Last year, there were also a large amount of K-pop, but many of those rotated out; there still are a lot of anime songs. Regardless, Starri feels like a full-fledged game, with each song having three difficulty levels, in-game cosmetic unlocks, two different hand “game styles,” and so on.

Of all the games available, Starri stands out as something an adult could play solo and enjoy long-term.

Play Pass Games

Everything about the game is just elegant. And goofy. But elegant.

Tumbo Bots is one of the best-designed games on the system, hands down (or up). Basically, it’s a 1v1 battle game where you try to score points by hitting the red button on the other player’s head, and/or collecting coins if they’re available on the map. There’s also a soccer mode. What makes it fun are how your arms controls the legs of the bots, which requires you to swing them wildly about. QWOP-style, in order to move and jump. There is a large variety of maps and characters, and Little Man has gotten quite good at beating me even if I don’t totally sandbag my play (… but I still sandbag a bit).

Your arms will eventually fall off, IRL.

Doodle Heads is another favorite, to a slightly lesser degree. It’s kind of a Galaga-style game if children drew all the sprites, but it does feature four different heroes and six bosses across 12 levels. Just be prepared to be waving your hands above your head the entire time, as that is how you shoot.

…and that’s primarily it.

In reality, there are 40 other games within the Play Pass, but not all of them are especially good. Or fun. For example, there is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Rooftop Mayhem, which is essentially a side-scrolling Temple Run. Does anyone remember Temple Run? Basically where you’re in a fixed perspective going along a track while avoiding obstacles? Little Man played TMNT for like an hour one day, but I doubt he ever goes back. And there are three more licensed games in exactly that same style: Miraculous Ladybug: Paris Dash; Care Bears: Rainbow Ride; Candy Land: Sugar Sprint. A waste, IMO.

The other licensed content isn’t as bad. Kung Fu Panda, How to Train Your Dragon, and Cookie Monster have all went different directions. The problem I have with many of these other ones though is what I consider missteps with the property. For example, the Kung Fu Panda game is about training by hitting logs, chopping wood planks, and so on. Good. All of this gameplay is only available after long, unnecessary (and unskippable) exposition by knockoff voice actors. Very bad.

This is actually a more general weakness with many of the games wherein there are a lot of clunky menus and “plot” when you just want to be throwing hands and legs as soon as possible. Or when there are menus upon menus for games for which the core audience may not be able to read yet. I’m looking at you, Cookie Monster.

Final Thoughts

Whether a Nex is a good addition to your home comes down to your projected use-case.

If you are buying a Nex because “it’s cheaper than a Switch 2,” then you’re probably in a for a bad time. The current Amazon sale price of $288 includes a year of the Play Pass, which is good value… compared to the standard price of $250 + $89. But even on sale, the best-case scenario – in which your kids are totally happy playing with just the Nex – is that you’re still on the hook for another $89 Year 2. That’s now $377. Still technically cheaper, but they pretty much got you stuck.

And, really, what are the odds that your kids aren’t going to what to play Mario Kart (etc)?

If instead you treat the Nex as (slightly) guilt-free form of screentime exercise for the kids, and potentially for the whole family? That’s another story. Obviously you can do comparable movement things with Switch Sports and the like, but it may mitigate drama to have an entirely separate ecosystem wherein Minecraft, Mario Kart, or whatever else isn’t staring them in the face. Indeed, in our house, we don’t really even call the Nex “videogames” – it’s just something we do when the weather is too bad to go outside and we need to burn some energy.

GW2: Expansion Math

I think it’s safe to say that I will still be playing Guild Wars 2 in February, which is when the End of Dragons expansion is coming out. Which means I need to start doing some expansion math.

Under normal circumstances, I never opt for anything but the base expansions for whatever MMO I am playing. GW2 is a bit different since it’s more freemium and cash shopy – there are more utility items than straight cosmetics. For example, the base expansion costs $29.99 and includes (among other things) a Shared Inventory Slot and a max-level boost. The latter two items cost 700 gems and 2000 gems, respectfully. Or roughly $8.75 and $30. So… if you wanted an instant-level 80 boost anyway, you get the expansion for free! Not that an instant 80-level character is that valuable, of course.

In any event, the tiers get a bit weird.

Standard – $29.99

  • Shared Inventory Slot (700 gems or about $8.75)

Deluxe – $54.99

  • Additional Character Slot (800 gems or exactly $10)

Ultimate – $79.99

  • 4000 gems (exactly $50)

Again, there are additional items in the tiers there that I don’t care about, and thus value at zero.

Character slots are definitely something I want more of, but that middle tier ends up being much more expensive than what I could buy via gems on my own ($25 vs $10). But once you hit the Ultimate tier… things change. It costs $50 for 4000 gems, bringing down the hypothetical cost of the Ultimate tier down to the Standard level. But since you get the character slot from the previous tier too, the scenario is that I would get 5500 gems worth of things I value (or roughly $70) and the expansion itself for $10.

How could I possibly afford not to purchase the Ultimate edition of this expansion?!

It’s a trap, of course. Ish. Getting an MMO expansion for $30 straight-up is pretty good, notwithstanding it comes with something as valuable as a Shared Inventory Slot. And let’s also be clear that nothing here is breaking my bank – I’m just a parsimonious bastard. But kudos to the accountants at ArenaNet for making me do some math and seriously consider paying $80 for something I’ve spent less on in the last nine years of playing.

[Fake Edit: Black Friday Sale Edition]

I drafted everything above last week, but as it turns out, there are sales happening on Black Friday:

  • 20% off Gem Cards – $20 = 2000 gems ($25 normal)
  • 20% off Shared Inventory slot – 560/1512/2240 gems (700/1890/2800 normal)

Doing the math… nothing much changes, actually. The relative value of the Ultimate deal drops since it costs $40 for 4000 gems instead of $50, but that still doesn’t make the Deluxe edition worth it at all. What it does do is make it a bit palatable to skip the Ultimate tier and just buy what you need with gems. Getting 4000 gems with the Ultimate tier all at once will mean they’re gone on possibly silly shit within minutes. For example, there are infinite gathering tools on discount currently, and those + 3 shared inventory slots is basically 4000 gems right there.

On the other hand… ugh. The “discount” forces you into the $20 for 2000 gems category, which means that I’m going to be buying the Standard edition ($30) + 2000 gems ($20) and immediately spending at least 800 of them on a character slot anyway. Having 1200 leftover gems is, again, way better than the Deluxe edition. But now I’m at $50 vs $80 for the Ultimate, the latter of which includes a Character Slot.

Like, props to the fucking sadistic accountants over there at ArenaNet, but this shit right here is a dumb position for any player to be in. I shouldn’t need to do calculus to see if something is a good deal or not. Yeah, my situation in valuing only certain items is probably unique, but needing to math things out at all is likely to result in my purchasing nothing instead, as all thought shuts down from overheating.

That and, you know, I could buy a lot of other games for $80. Probably 4-8 of them, even.