I am flabbergasted how any of us beat videogames as kids.

Little Man has been playing a lot of videogames with me lately, with some mix of modern and retro titles. The struggle is finding what I would consider a good entry point to the medium. Back in the day, we obviously had no choice in the matter – “you get what you get, and don’t throw a fit.” I personally started on the NES with Super Mario Bros and eventually Super Mario Bros 3, but I always remembered how much better Super Mario World felt once the SNES came out. So, having tandem-completed Super Mario Odyssey (twice!), I thought that handing over the controller (or specifically the RG35XXSP) to Little Man and letting him play Super Mario World solo would be a good idea.

Spoiler: it was not.

Even when I took over to help him out of a particularly hard part, I came to realize how much of Super Mario World consisted entirely of hard spots. It is also difficult to fully appreciate how bizarre the concept of holding down the run button 100% of the time is in a platformer. Seriously, just try playing any non-3D Mario game without running. It’s painful. And yet… why build it that way in the first place?

Anyway, I backed off of Mario platformers and introduced him to Kirby instead. Specifically, Kirby Super Star for the SNES. This ended up being a much better entry point, for several reasons. First, Kirby has an HP bar, which means you can take multiple hits from enemies while you learn their attack patterns. Second, Kirby can float, which eases you into platforming elements. Third, you can create an AI companion any time you have a power, which immensely helps you with bosses and surviving the level in general. There were still some tricky bits to the game, but the “training wheels” helped Little Man build confidence and develop controller-based skills.

Once Kirby was exhausted, we moved back to Super Mario Wonder on the Switch. There is a lot to like how Nintendo designed co-op in Wonder. When one player dies, they come back as a ghost that can float around for 5 seconds, reviving if they touch the surviving player. Later on though, there are some levels in which being revived will result in you immediately dying again, and “giving up” simply means draining both players of any extra lives. At that point, I had Little Man play solo and try a given level 3-4 times before he could tag out. It took a while, and I ended up playing the final parts of the game entirely myself, but we beat Wonder a few weeks ago.

The next game I wanted him to try playing was Super Mario 64. “It’s got platforming, but you don’t die in one hit. Should be fine.” Spoiler: it was not fine. In fact, it was one of the most disillusioning experiences I’ve had in quite some time. I remember spending a lot of time with Mario 64. I remember fully completing the game with 120 stars. I remember it being a great game.

What I apparently didn’t remember is the godawful camera. Like, legitimately bad. Even I had issues walking inside the castle, camera gyrating wildly while Mario starts drunkenly spinning in circles. Did the novelty of three dimensions paper over the terrible-feeling controls and camera? I let Little Man play for a bit, and then helped him get a few of the Stars to unlock other levels. I went into the Snow level and then tried the slide race… five (5) times. Never even made it past the first turn. WTF, mate.

Maybe it’s the official Nintendo emulator, maybe it’s the joy-cons, maybe the N64 claw controller was better at that specific task, maybe I’m just older and/or used to other (better) control schemes. Regardless… it just feels bad. It’s one thing to know you can’t go home again, but it’s another driving there anyway only to be surprised at the smoking ruins of your remembered youth.

Of course, there are games from that era and before that do hold up. I have no doubt that Super Mario World will make another appearance once Little Man is a bit older and has more platforming skills under his belt. And once he can read at an appropriate level, there are some classic RPGs that I would love to introduce him to. That said… yikes. I purchased Super Mario Galaxy 1 + 2 recently as a sort of Odyssey replacement (plus I never played them), and I’m starting to sweat. Surely this won’t be another Mario 64 moment… will it? And what do kids even start playing these days?

[Fake Edit] It’s been a while since I drafted this post, but we have since beat Mario Galaxy and are on the tail-end of Galaxy 2. Thankfully, it was not as bad as Mario 64… but it’s still a bit rough. For one thing: holy nausea, Batman! I cannot remember the last game that made me motion sick from its inherent design, but Galaxy’s whole schtick of running across little planetoids has not landed well.

That said, Little Man has made some significant progress in terms of timing and problem-solving in a 3D space. There are some aspects he Nopes right out of immediately – usually having to do with countdown timers and such, which is totally understandable – but there have been a few times where he has completed a full level by himself. Can’t wait to see if I can get him into the Zelda series next.