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Tearjerker of the Kingdom

Browsing Kotaku and I caught this article titled Nintendo’s New Zelda Trailer Is A Very Sad Movie. It revolves around this trailer for the upcoming Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom:

As far as trailers go, it’s one of the most unique ones I have ever seen. In fact, I would be hard-pressed to specifically identify any game trailer I’ve ever seen. Yeah, I watch dozens of them each year, but they just sort of wash over you. Back in 2018 I wrote down the trailers that have left their mark on me, and I’ll need to add this one to it. Seriously, this is like the Dead Island one in terms of left field.

But that isn’t even what I want to talk about.

In the Kotaku post, there is updated information about the “origin story” of the trailer. Apparently, the concept was inspired by a Japanese Amazon review for Breath of the Wild. The article includes the full review ran through Google Translate, whose results are a bit rough in some places. I do recommend reading the whole thing though. Because towards the end, there is this bit:

[…] Don’t say it’s just a game. We were born in the golden age of gaming. Have you ever seen your family move with Mario’s jumps? Do you remember playing Smash with a controller? Have you ever discussed strategies for Chrono Trigger or FF7 with your friends? I know it now. I used to be a fucking kid, but my parents were on birthdays and Christmas, That you bought me fucking expensive hardware and software. On the side of being naughty, you managed to buy an expensive game for me with the house money.

I’m impressed that I’ve realized just now that I didn’t realize that I was working so hard on my life. I should have been more filial.

★5 There’s nothing more I can say because all the reviews are good. This Zelda gives me the “challenge and reward” that I forgot. You can experience an exciting adventure where you can freely explore the world without a map. We of the same generation are sick every day in order to surpass tomorrow. But don’t be disappointed in life. The adventure I was hoping for was in a place like this.

That last line, though. Goddamn.

All of this kinda makes me want to buy a Switch, which clearly is a marketing win for Nintendo. But I’m also a parsimonious bastard who is not about to buy a 7-year old console when there is possibly a Switch 2 on the horizon (someday?). On the one hand, Nintendo titles never receiving real discounts incentivizes you to purchase them Day 1 without worry that they will be 50% six months later. On the other hand, if a game is the same price basically indefinitely then if you have waited years already, you may as well keep waiting.

So for now, I will have to settle for the adventures I found elsewhere.

Reviews: Darksiders, Greed Corp, Nimbus

Game: Darksiders
Recommended price: $5
Metacritic Score: 83
Completion Time: ~19 hours
Buy If You Like: Devil May Cry/God of War meets Zelda meets comic book

There are zero complaints in the visual department.

Darksiders is a 3rd-person action game with puzzle elements that tries to straddle the line between Devil May Cry/God of War demon-killing and the sort of casual world exploration and puzzles of Zelda games. You control War, one of the four horsemen, who gets framed for starting the apocalypse party early, which results in the death of the entire human race. As you struggle to clear your name and/or figure out who was responsible, you kill a lot of demons and four-story bosses while uncovering new items and re-unlocking your prior abilities.

While it seems the most popular comparison is with Zelda games instead of Devil May Cry, I just felt the puzzle elements in Darksiders were curiously out of place. The visually stunning post-apocalyptic landscape is rife with ready-made puzzle elements, but I never got over the fact that War couldn’t just scale that wall with his big-ass metal hand. Are you telling me I can wield a car like a baseball bat, but I can’t just stack some debris in the corner and use that to reach the 2nd floor? Why aren’t I just punching down every door I encounter, especially when I unlock the Power Glove Gauntlet that lets me punch icebergs? While the puzzles do keep combat from growing too stale, after a while you realize that more than half of your game time is spent in empty rooms moving boxes around (etc). That might be fine thematically for a 14-year old elf-boy, but it never felt right for a horseman of the goddamn apocalypse.

That said, I did end up enjoying my time in Darksiders. The game is incredibly stylistic, the visuals are fantastic, and the action is pretty serviceable in a button-mashing way. Although I just pooh-poohed the puzzles, that is mainly because of the tone of the game, rather than the puzzles themselves being annoying. Indeed, while demon locks do appear on some doors arbitrarily, the majority of the puzzles are based on more “realistic” scenarios. You know, assuming that it’s realistic to punch subway cars into place but not use that same power to knock some tree limbs out of the way.

On a final note, if you play on the PC as I did, the port job is not especially keyboard-friendly; in terms of lazy port, it ranks up there with the original Borderlands for PC. I still WASD’d my way through the game anyway, but it was seriously annoying how anyone thought “Tab + number” was a good button combo to select abilities while running around.


Game: Greed Corp
Recommended price: Bundle
Metacritic Score: 76
Completion Time: ~8 hours
Buy If You Like: Symmetrical puzzle/strategy games

Definitely more Checkers than Chess.

Greed Corp is a strategy game that is a lesson in efficient and frugal design. Whereas in an RTS-style game you can have three factions with totally unique units and hundreds of different forms of interaction, Greed Corp is pretty simple; there is one walker unit, one factory that builds walkers, one cannon, one consumable unit that flies walkers to a different hex, one harvesting building, and the resources being harvested is the terrain itself. The goal is to use all of those things to remove your opposition from the map, sometimes quite literally.

Regardless, there is can be a surprising bit of depth to the shenanigans. For example, the harvesters knock its own hex and all surrounding hexes down one level at the beginning of your turn (hexes brought below level 1 crumble apart). There is no way to remove a harvesters other than self-destructing it, which knocks another level off each surrounding hex, along with sinking the main hex down into the abyss. What this can lead to is sending a single unit flying into your enemy’s island territory, plopping down a harvester, and laughing maniacally (or sobbing in frustration, depending) as that whole island eventually breaks apart.

Eventually though, my enjoyment evaporated once the late-game Expert-level AI opponents started demonstrating the weaknesses of perfectly symmetrical maps. Namely that it didn’t matter how clever your own strategy was when all it takes is one of the three random opponents to opportunistically ruin your day. When the outcome of your best-laid plans devolve into “whoever moves last wins,” it is time to move on.


Game: Nimbus
Recommended price: Bundle
Metacritic Score: 80
Completion Time: ~6 hours
Buy If You Like: Twitch-based puzzle “platformers”

Kinda like a flying Super Meat Boy.

In essence, Nimbus is a pretty simple twitch-based puzzle-platformer… sorta. You control a ship that has no means of self-propulsion, and thus must rely entirely on environmental objects and inertia to ensure you do not become stranded on the ground (which kills you). Some of those objects are bumpers that always gives you a set amount of boost when collided with, some are speed squares that can accelerate you to dizzying velocity if you loop into them multiple times, and still others are little cannons which give you some respite along with directional control over your exit. The end goal is to touch the exit checkerboard squares as fast as possible, while also grabbing the secret coins hidden (sometimes diabolically) around the level if you are so inclined – doing so can sometimes unlock bonus levels.

It did not take me long to confirm that the old adage of “quick to learn, difficult to master” is fully applicable to Nimbus. While successful execution is the most important aspect of the game, Nimbus does a phenomenal job at keeping each level feeling fresh and unique like a brand new puzzle. Just when you start feeling comfortable with all the deadly spikes on the walls, you encounter a map that requires you to ram into spheres to trigger gate openings like a physics-based platformer. And just as you are getting used to some of the spheres having spikes on them, you are faced with a level where all the walls are made of deadly lasers. And then there are the ridiculous reverse-gravity levels. In short, Nimbus deftly avoids new puzzle elements feeling like gimmicks and more like natural progression.

I did not end up completing Nimbus though, as the later levels quickly outstripped my twitch abilities, even after ditching the keyboard for an Xbox controller. If you are not a fan of twitch platformers like Super Meat Boy, unfortunately you aren’t likely to enjoy Nimbus at all; there are few things more frustrating than knowing what you have to do, but running into that same goddamn spike wall for the 13th time in a row and redoing the entire level from scratch (there are checkpoint cannons, but sometimes only past certain points).

If you do happen to enjoy those sort of games though, Nimbus will certainly give you a run for your money. Not only are there secret coins to collect, but each level has a Steam leaderboard to compare best times as well.

A Good Problem to Have, I Suppose

Basically this:

I have a problem.

The games on my plate at the moment:

  • Tribes: Ascend
  • Battlefield 3
  • Diablo 3 (just purchased)
  • Darksiders
  • Greed Corp
  • plus about 6-8 other Steam purchases

Since I had already spent D3’s launch date at the beach, I was toying with the idea of waiting for a Dealzon deal to pop up before throwing down. However, most of the old WoW crew are already into Nightmare and there gets to be a point beyond which we may as well be playing two different games. Sure, they could roll alts or bring their mains in to one-shot everything, but… yeah. It is just not the same.

As someone who prefers playing one game exclusively until completion and then washing my hands of it, my present situation is quite vexing. I keep thinking that this is a better problem than the opposite: ala my SNES childhood days in which I wrung Zelda: A Link to the Past dry with 30+ run-throughs because new games only existed on Christmas, Easter, and my birthday. Then again, given the trends I outlined in my last post, I have little doubt that enough gaming entertainment exists right now to last the rest of my lifetime.

And, oh hey, the Thief trilogy is on sale. Let me just compulsively buy that like the little digital hoarder I am. There, stacked up neatly next to the four untouched Splinter Cell games and seventeen copies of the morning edition of the 1971 New York Times newspaper.

One day at a time. One day at a time.